Two letters that scare the crap outta me. . . MS

Some of you may remember my MS scare a few years ago. For those who didn't know me then let me share a bit of history, December 18, 2007 I felt a weird tingling in the middle of my back. Just an odd little numbness. Over a few weeks that numbness spread down my legs, eventually reaching my toes. For months I walked around without feeling my feet. It felt like I had 5 pair of stockings on, there was a barrier between my legs and everything else. I wobbled, I bumped into things, leaned on stuff without being aware of it. This was of course very disconcerting, so off to the Neurologist I went. First thing he says is that my symptoms sound like MS. He did an MRI. Yep there were lesions on my spine. I had MS. BUT I had to do a spinal tap to confirm. THAT came back negative. I did NOT have MS. (I did have spots on my brain but that wasn't a concern O_o. Yeah that explains SO much about me.) So for the past 2 years I've been living with the idea that I do NOT have MS. Because THAT terrifies me. THAT means that at any moment my body can decide not to work. There is no cure for MS. I can't have that. Nope not me.

Friday my eye started to get blurry and I could see a shadow. Meh wasn't too worried. Then I started seeing flashes of light. That still meant nothing. Took some aspirin and went to bed. This morning I wake and my eye hurt to move it and the shadow was darker. So I went to the ER - FYI never do that for an eye injury seriously they aren't equipped for it. The ER Doc (who was very very nice) said please go to an Optometrist. So I did. The tests they did worried me. I thought I saw a lighthouse with my right eye, ended up being a Christmas tree. Took the peripheral test. Didn't see a damn thing, nothing. Woman was all "you can tell me anytime if you see something" and I said "well you can show me something any time" and she's all "I am!" and I'm all "well I don't see it!" That worries me. I drove my kids with me and I could even see little squiggly things - wth what if the squiggles had been a bird, or a kid, or a car. Yeah that's not ok. Finally the doctor dilated and checked my eye. He noticed that my Optic nerve is swollen, not bad but definitely swollen. What can cause this? Well a MS lesion can wrap around the optic nerve squeezing it causing the fluid not to pass, which causes it to swell. Damn. Damn. Double Damn. He must have seen the "Oh Shit" look on my face cause he shrugged and said "could be a brain tumor". He promised me it could be a hundred other things BUT for a person who may have MS it's probably a lesion.

I get to go to a Neuro-Ophthalmologist on Monday. She's expecting my call. She'll do an MRI.

This is why I hate going to the doctor. They never tell you anything good.