Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Truer Words. . .

“Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”-  Elizabeth Stone
Truer words have never been spoken.  School started back today and I miss my babies.  I am not one of those mothers who rejoices when school is in session or when someone wants to take my child for the night.  It doesn't matter if it's just for a few hours or a short distance.  I always feel like a part of me is missing.  I bundle pieces of my heart up every morning and place them on the bus, I wave goodbye and walk back to the house - empty.  Scattered.  All day I find ways to keep myself busy slowly counting down the minutes until I can collect my bits and pieces again.  I stand at the end of the drive waiting, watching, straining to hear the sound of the bus coming up over the hill.  When the bus rolls up in the afternoon a weight is lifted off my chest; my babies are all home, my heart can start again.  I know it's a bit irrational but it seems that as long as I can see them, put my hands on them, they are safe, but the moment they wander out of sight I panic just a bit.  Something is just "off". 
Don't get me wrong, my children can also drive insane.  I want to hide in my room for a few moments of silence, but the silence that exists when they aren't around is deafening.  I enjoy them.  I need them around. I breathe easier when I can see them. 

1 comment:

  1. Ask me why I homeschool? LOL It is so weird being away from my kids. I have sent the girls off to camp for a week....and Mark will take the kids out for a few hours every now and then... but then I need them back. Not "want"...but "need"!!! It has gotten easier to be apart as they have gotten older...but not by much. :)