“Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”- Elizabeth StoneTruer words have never been spoken. School started back today and I miss my babies. I am not one of those mothers who rejoices when school is in session or when someone wants to take my child for the night. It doesn't matter if it's just for a few hours or a short distance. I always feel like a part of me is missing. I bundle pieces of my heart up every morning and place them on the bus, I wave goodbye and walk back to the house - empty. Scattered. All day I find ways to keep myself busy slowly counting down the minutes until I can collect my bits and pieces again. I stand at the end of the drive waiting, watching, straining to hear the sound of the bus coming up over the hill. When the bus rolls up in the afternoon a weight is lifted off my chest; my babies are all home, my heart can start again. I know it's a bit irrational but it seems that as long as I can see them, put my hands on them, they are safe, but the moment they wander out of sight I panic just a bit. Something is just "off".
Don't get me wrong, my children can also drive insane. I want to hide in my room for a few moments of silence, but the silence that exists when they aren't around is deafening. I enjoy them. I need them around. I breathe easier when I can see them.