Saturday, March 6, 2010
I can't wait for Christmas. . .
As I type this there are 293 days, 20 hours, and 16 minutes until Christmas. I can not wait. I long for it. It means that this whole ordeal will be over. In the next few months I'll lose my husband to out-of-state work. I have to pack up a house by myself. Sell it. Move in with my mom. Find a new house. Unpack. Enroll my children into a new school. Help them get acclimated to their new life. I will lose coffee with friends. Impromptu lunches. Playdates. My girls will have to find a new Girl Scout Troop. My shy boys will have to struggle with finding new friends; fourth grader may be ok but the high school Junior will probably become a loner. I worry they'll hate it. I know I will. I know if I am "ok" with it, they will be. But there are somethings I can't fake and happiness is one of them.
I suppose I could look at it as one big adventure, but there isn't much adventure in moving back home. It feels more like a surrender. I feel like a returning warrior with my head hanging low. I try to think of all the things I'll gain. . .my children will get to see more of Grandma, they'll get to play with their cousins, I get to see more of my mom. I'm sure these are all lovely things but it's not like I currently live that far away. I don't feel I'm missing out on anything currently.
But I know that I'll be missing so much when I leave. They say "Friends are the Family you choose" and that is so true. I have the greatest circle. The women I call friend are funny, smart, and get me. I would be jealous of us if I weren't part of this group. And Yes, I know, they have Facebook in South Carolina, and my friends will only be 2 hours away, and I can visit whenever I want, BUT I won't be just 10 minutes away from my best friend; I can't meet for lunch in the middle of the school day; I can't meet for coffee on a whim. I'll have to make plans and actually keep them. And I hate the idea of earning my place at the new school. Showing the teachers that I am reliable, getting the PTA to respect my ideas, having the front office ladies learn my name. All the little things I take for granted every day.
Hopefully, by Christmas all of this will have been settled. I will have found my niche, it'll probably be small and uncomfortable, but it'll be my spot and I will struggle to thrive. I will be somewhere. Decisions will be made. And I will learn to cope. So I look forward to Christmas because it symbolizes that time has passed and life has moved on, and I with it.