The Rules of the Road Trip

If you haven't heard, my friend Mayor (aka. Jordan Drew)  and I are going on a road trip - read more about that Here.  Since I will be riding in her car, well actually her husband (Nerdboy)'s car, I asked what was and was not allowed.  She has already told me there will be no mooning the passing motorist (which really is just for safety reasons, I can't see how she plans to drive straight if she's mooning people) and I may or may not be allowed to put my feet on the dash.  Here is more of our conversation:
Jordan Drew:  rules of the car -  no mayor shall spill coffee in the cup holder (that's actually a real rule)
My response:      But I'm not a mayor
Jordan Drew      Yeah, but he won't make rules for you. You're a "guest".
Me:   I am so gonna rub my greasy hands everywhere
Jordan Drew: Rule #1: No rubbing greasy hands anywhere inside the vehicle.
Me:     can I have glitter?
Her: Rule #2: No glitter
       Rule #3: No grape juice
Me:  How does he feel about Tipsy Leprechauns? (Tipsy Leprechauns are the name of a very nice alcoholic beverage, in case you didn't know)
      how bout face paint? can I have face paint?
Her: No, no face paint. And I think the cops are pretty much against open alcohol containers, so the Tipsy Leprechaun is out as well. I'm not going to jail for you, man.
Me: No I was meaning an actual drunk Leprechaun not a drink
 Her: Ooooh, well, in that case, YES. Shannon is allowed in the car. (if you don't know who Shan is I feel sorry for you)
Me: Can we use glass markers to write "Coffee Binge 2011" across the back glass?
Her: do they come off so easily that I can just wipe it off before he sees it?
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      He's very ticky about his car, so whatever you do to it, I'm'a get in trouble for it. ::nods::
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      but not you, cuz your a "guest". He's very Southern that way. :giggle:

Her:  FYI, I'm not as Southern, and I carry a pokey pen. O.O

Me:  Yeah I think it washes off easy - it's what folks use for "just married" and cheerleaders put all over their carsbut there's a car wash near my house so when we get home we can stop and wash it before you leave
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      PS - I'm bringing my knitting needles for protection

HER  Why do you put me into the position where I have to tell you things like the following?? :::: DOOD, I have no idea how to wash a car in a car wash.
ME:
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      hahahahahahahaha
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      snort
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      omg
    *
      can't breathe

Her:  What?
Me: ok I can wash the car
    *
      you can watch

Me: ooh what about live animals? Can I bring a Lizard?
  
Her: No. but that's a personal rule  Let's just say the rules are if you wouldn't do it to your great grandmothers neighbor's great aunt twice removed 's car, you prolly can't do it with Nerdboy's either. :
Me: But dude My great grandmothers, neighbor's, great aunt twice removed was a drag queen's assistant who conducted orgies in her back seat.
Her dood, there were no cars back then
     or drag queens
Me : yes the called them horse and buggies and just said "well he's a little odd"
and you CAN'T tell me there were no orgies or I'll find historical proof
Her: Oh, no, I took Latin. The Romans were all about the orgies and vomiting, but there'll be none of that in the car either.
Me : are you calling my great grandmother's neighbors aunt twice removed a roman?
 Her: She's that old?
Me: ok so yes to orgies, no to vomiting   This is gonna be the BEST ROAD TRIP EVER!!!